May I be Frank?

Episode 4: Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 17:31:15 -0500

sototallypatrick: As the nachos melt let’s reflect upon the lyrics of ‘Hey Leonardo’ by Blessid...

Episode 3: Moving Violations

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:50:41 -0500

sototallypatrick: Cocktail #3: Done. The Faster You Dig, The Faster You Die. I’ll just leave LA and...

Sototallypatrick on my impending move to Los Angeles, Savannah, Austin or Athens:

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:30:00 -0500

“You can’t just pop into Margiela down there. You can’t just pop into Jack Spade...

Episode 2: Over Dick's Dead Body

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 14:27:06 -0500

sototallypatrick: Help me die, Peter. Sydney looks great. as does Jake’s shirt situation. But his...

Episode 1: Living With Disaster

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:32:46 -0500

sototallypatrick: Peter is fake! Muldoon (Richard Hart) crawled out of the dirt! 3 new actors in...

sototallypatrick: It’s Arrived! I’ll be live blogging this...

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:31:57 -0500

sototallypatrick:

It’s Arrived! I’ll be live blogging this momentous occasion throughout the day. Check back for updates!

THIS IS WHAT I’M DOING TODAY!

MELROSE MEGATHON!

And tomorrow I’m flying off to the desert.

"When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum."

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 07:23:39 -0500

“When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.” - Unknown (via bitchville) Ahem …

prequario: dare:soil:luxembourg:IMG_0838 (via...

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 07:19:15 -0500

prequario:

dare:soil:luxembourg:IMG_0838 (via yojenshearii)

AKA “FRANK WUZ HERE.”

Another nail in the coffin that is my life in New York ...

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 19:43:00 -0500

In other words, why do I still live here? Recently, I was out at a bar in the East Village that I go...

sarazucker: fred perry got together with my main man peter...

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:38:29 -0500

sarazucker:

fred perry got together with my main man peter jensen for a little spring/summer 2009 collection collabo. jensen got back to his menswear roots and the result is the “oversize harrington” jacket, which comes with an oversized laurel logo on the chest. it is now available in a red, black, or french navy check colorway.

Ooooo — gingham everything for spring. Yes, please.

LOOK AT HOW HAPPY SHE LOOKS! I love her. I love her. I love her....

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 16:37:23 -0500

LOOK AT HOW HAPPY SHE LOOKS!

I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her. I love her suglasses. I need them. I love her. I want to party with her. I want to steal the sunglasses. Love.

I’m fine.

Speaking of Des'ree: Download over 200 '90s songs here!

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 22:20:34 -0500

Speaking of Des'ree: Download over 200 '90s songs here!: Including, um, the Heights! Joe Public! L7!...

You Gotta Be by Des’ree As my life is both full and...

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 22:17:39 -0500

You Gotta Be by Des’ree

As my life is both full and fulfilling, I just watched some terrible ’90s movie with Jennifer Anniston all pregnant and shit on MyNine. She’s living with Paul Rudd, who is gay, and dating a guy named Paul. They are besties.

The charming, delightful, putrid final scene is of Anniston’s kid starring in some Park Slope school’s music program as her whole extended, loving, funky, dysfunctional ’90s family looks on glowing with adoration.

The song is You Gotta Be.

Great song. Imma try and take heed:

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears …
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together

I’m fine. And I’m totally together.

People who go to the ER because of a COLD? WTF MAN?

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 13:43:25 -0500

prequario: (via noahkai)(via whatannoysus) It’s called “No-one Has Health...

Headline of the day:

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 15:36:44 -0500

thisworldiskillingme: Valentine’s Day or venereal disease? I didn’t bother reading the actual...

plainoljane: kaitidid: 1000lolz: This Valentines day,...

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 15:14:37 -0500

plainoljane:

kaitidid:

1000lolz:

This Valentines day, broadcast to the whole world how much of a codependent couple you are!

Hahah. Sick.

I will kill anyone I see wearing these. Justifiable homicide.

Oh my god, no reasonable jury could convict you.

I’m so glad I’m going to be blind-drunk and singing karaoke in Palm Springs this Valentine’s Day.

tylercoates: Juliana Hatfield - “Everybody Loves Me But...

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:59:57 -0500

tylercoates:

Juliana Hatfield - “Everybody Loves Me But You”

People always notice me wherever I go
They think I’m lucky but they don’t really know
Beauty and brains are all that I’ve got
I’ve got a cold, cold bed and a broken heart

Love.

Allison: Not to split hairs but I actuallly have 780 points...

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:53:48 -0500

Allison: Not to split hairs but I actuallly have 780 points …

tylercoates: Sometimes I want to move to New York because this city is dumb. But last night at Big...

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:48:03 -0500

tylercoates: Sometimes I want to move to New York because this city is dumb. But last night at Big...

Have you ever had your heart ripped out? Twice? By the same...

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 14:47:09 -0500

Have you ever had your heart ripped out? Twice? By the same entity?

I have.

Biggest Loser, you are on warning: first you taunt me with my chosen team’s lack of commitment (Fuck you, Dave.), then you tear Carla from my life.

I don’t really have a lot going for me right now. I’m barely employed. My skin is a travesty. The cashier at Jack Spade put the wrong tote in my shopping bag last night. I have nowhere to wear my new, amazing glasses. And I’m so fat that the floor is buckling beneath me.

And now? Now, I must try and pick up the pieces in a post-Carla world. A cruel, hideous world that, frankly, I’m not sure I want any part in.

Can I continue watching? Maybe, if there’s a lot of wine. I can’t afford to be anywhere but on my couch anyway. And it’s not like I have cable.

Here’s the stupid recap: The teammates who were sent home during the premier were popped on the cattle scale. Blue won, Carla killed it, Yellow fucking blew it by losing two pounds. In thirty days. Sanctimonious bitch Aubrey tried making excuses — oh, she has 92 kids, oh, she must’ve totally gained muscle mass. Shut your fat trap, Aubrey, you’re a lazy skank. Two pounds is a meal, not a month. I loved when host Alison Sweeney tried to be all, ‘hey it’s something,’ and both Bob and Jillian were like ‘IT IS WHAT IT IS, BITCH, STOP YOUR DERN WHINING!’

These initial weigh-ins sucked up a good 25 minutes so NBC didn’t have to have a time-sucking temptation. In lieu of a temptation’s, you know, temptation, a cash prize was attached to the challenge (causing dollar signs to appear in Joelle’s eyes). In it, teams were tied up in a tangled mess of rope wrapped around some beam or something. They had to untangle themselves by flipping over and under the beam and ultimately stretch the rope far enough to make it to the finish line.

Watching everyone flop over the beam was mildly hilarious but when Yellow AKA Most Hated won smiles were turned upside down.

Work out vignettes featured various contestants being piggy-backed around by other contestants to victorious Olympics meets Rocky music while Trainer Bob rocked Dior. We also watched Carla busting it at every unflattering angle while Joelle sort of spaced around the gym staring blankly.

Everyone on the show separately commented on the phenomenon and we were treated to at least three people saying that Carla “[had] to work TEN times as hard” to compensate for Joelle’s lack of passion.

Cut to the weigh-in where — accompanied by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir — the Green bitches won and the Yellow bitches had immunity and, shocker, Brown and Silver fell below the yellow line. Carla actually did really well but Joelle lost exactly zero pounds (“Hi, I live on a ranch where it is my job to exercise seven hours a day and every time I eat a twig it is filmed for posterity.”).

Aubrey who totally dicked around the whole month she was home decided to mount her triple reinforced soapbox so she could lecture Joelle about her lack of commitment. Fat Kettle, meet Fat Pot. Green also punch the I NEED ATTENTION timeclock.

Joelle vaguely stood up for herself but no-one listened.

Ron, Patriarch of Brown, once again pulled the ‘save my son’ bullshit and everyone voted off Silver noting that they loved Carla and that it was all Joelle’s big fat fault (note that most votes had Joelle’s name printed hugely and Carla’s microscopic and off in the corner). Carla, sat through the situation with dignity and graciousness — smiling and grateful. It was actually lovely. Joelle’s expression was akin to that drugged out looking baby’s face in the sun on Teletubbies.

Since being cast off the show Carla (Who has lost nearly 100 pounds!) and Joelle (Who has done fairly well and bought a new, long suede suit for the occasion.) have not talked. The show reunited them in an empty cafe. Carla wanted to talk about what had happened. Joelle responded: “I’m not sure what you’re speaking of.”

Then she left.

Allison has 700 points and is in dead last in the Fantasy League. I have over twice as many points as she does and I’m in fourth to last. Neither of us is really very good at … Anything.